17 January 2005

From Tight End to Wide Receiver

“What’s wrong with me? Why aren’t I the same as everyone else? What am I going to do,” said the ever-popular Drew Flint, QB of his high school football team. He lay in bed tonight, and wondered what it was that was troubling him. He thought and he thought, but nothing came to mind. Finally, he just gave up and went to bed. That night, he had a dream that may have helped to clarify the situation…

He was sitting in his pick-up truck, with his cheerleader girlfriend in the passenger’s seat. They parked on the cliff, overlooking the city. She leaned into his arms, stroking his leg. He went along, thinking nothing of it. She took it upon herself to kiss him, and he didn’t respond; he just allowed her to kiss him. While she was kissing him, Dream Drew was thinking about hanging out with the other guys on the team. He remembered all the fun the boys had in the locker room before and after the games. He sat in quiet recollection of all the good times they had at the victory dinners. He wondered why it was that he was thinking about this… and he woke up here, every time.

He sat up in bed, sweat pouring down his face. He was flustered and bewildered. He had no clue what was running through his mind. He didn’t want to think about it all at once, so he wiped his brow and went back to bed. Ironically enough, his dream started right from where he left off. Only, this time, it went much further.

After an ‘interesting’ night, he went to school the next day, pretending last night didn’t happen. He was walking through the halls, and every person he passed started laughing at him. Apparently, Dream Stacie had told all of her cheerleader friends that Dream Drew didn’t react to her kissing him, and they told the entire school. ‘Word travels at the speed of light at this school.’ That and the poor boy was wandering the halls nude. Therefore, not only were they laughing, but they were also pointing and laughing.

He awoke from this dream, bathed in his own sweat, and gave in. He found sleeping pills in the medicine cabinet, and took two.

The next morning, as he got ready for school, he stopped to take a moment to admire his Tom Brady poster, paying homage to his favorite player. Something strange happened to him at the time; there was a stirring in his pants, as he gazed upon his poster. He told himself that it was a delayed EMB and that it was fine. {An EMB is an Early Morning Boner.} He went downstairs and had breakfast before he stepped out.

He arrived at school, and everything was normal. He walked through the halls and everyone in the halls wanted to ‘hi-5’ him. Everything was exactly the way it was supposed to be. His buddies on the team even patted him on the behind as he walked by them, and that sparked a series of embarrassing events.

Drew was in the midst of his highly boring Civics class, and began nodding off. He dreamt of the other boys on the team, started moaning softly, and even breathed an ‘oh, Bobby.’ All this happened until someone seated next to him poked him in the rib. He woke up to find the entire class laughing at his expense. He stuck around for the remainder of the class, but sat blushing.

Lunch rolled around and Drew found himself at a table with all the other jocks. It wasn’t that bad. He just learned to keep himself composed. He didn’t have anything to worry about, however, because he didn’t know what was going on inside his thoughts. He had a regular lunch with the guys and girls, and then moved onto his next class.

After school, he took his truck and went home to do some homework before practice. His Civics assignment proved the most difficult. The assignment was a reading on the history of Gay Rights/Equality. He was to read an article and answer some questions. Reading about Gay men and women and the amount of his exhaustion caused another dream:

He was standing on a sidewalk in the downtown area of the city, in the middle of a Pride parade. He saw all the flags, the colors, and all the other boys kissing and such, and he got to wondering. Then he woke up.

He finished his homework and took a shower. Grabbing his gear out of his closet, he was on his way to football practice.

On the drive over, he started scanning through the radio stations. He found a station playing Dance and Techno music, and he found it very appealing. Having never heard it before, it won him over. He also thought that it did a hell of a job at pumping him up for practice.

At practice, he played like never before. He was more focused, determined, and full of energy. His coach and the other boys wondered what was up. Drew told them that he was playing better because he found a better type of music to psyche him up, Dance/Techno. The boys, not knowing what this was, stood in befuddlement. Drew walked over to his truck, pulled it in, and turned the radio to that station. They heard it, and found it to be different from the metal and rock they were used to. It was a welcome change.

After practice, it was time to shower up. In the showers, another happy mishap happened. While he was looking at his friends in their jocks, and others in the shower, he started to feel that stirring again. He couldn’t stay there long enough for his boys to see that, so he showered fast, and high-tailed it for the door. He explained to the coach and the team, as he was running through, that he had to go home early to help his mother.

Back in the truck, he sang along to a Dance song, which was actually a remix to a song he already knew. He drove home rather happily, but at the same time, a bit perplexed. He came home and had dinner with his parents. His sister was out with her friends, and his younger brother was napping in the living room.

He got upstairs and turned on the computer. He signed onto AIM, and had a few conversations with some friends. He also went onto his Music Download program, and started downloading a few Dance tracks. 09:00 came around and he took another shower. He came back to his room to try to find his nicest outfit. He paired together two of his nicest Abercrombie & Fitch polos, one in white and one in sky blue to wear over it, and a pair of Express jeans. He put on his Aldo shoes and headed out the door.

He drove to the next city over, which was about 10 minutes away. He put in the CD he had made of the new Dance songs he downloaded before he left. He arrived in the city and found it. He walked inside, not knowing what to expect.

He walked in to see boys dancing in cages, boys dancing on stages, and boys dancing with other boys. He walked into a Gay club, but wasn’t very sure of himself, yet. He sat down at the bar. The bartender said that he had never seen Drew there, and he said that he’d never been there before. The bartender then offered Drew a bottled-water, only because he noticed the wristband. {Under 21} Drew took it, very humbly. The bartender then told him that he thought he was very cute. Drew thanked him, and turned around in his seat to see the boys on the dance floor. Little did Drew know there was someone in the corner looking over at him.

Randy Adams was a very ‘out’ Gay kid at the same high school, also a senior, and he took notice of Drew’s cameo appearance at the club. He signaled to his friends that he would return. As he walked, he also noticed that Drew didn’t look very secure in his being there. Randy walked over to him and said, “Drew?! What are you doing here?!” He didn’t know how to react. The first thing he said to Randy was that he wasn’t to tell anyone that he had seen Drew there. Randy promised that he wouldn’t. After everything was clarified, the two began to talk.

Drew explained to Randy what his dilemma was, and Randy agreed to help see him through it. Upon Randy hearing Drew’s problem, he laughed.

“That’s no problem! You don’t have an issue and there’s nothing wrong with you. You’ve just came to the ‘startling’ realization that you’re Gay,” said Randy to Drew, while still kind of laughing.

“That’s not funny, Randy. So, you mean to tell me that all the weird dreams and funky experiences I’ve been through were trying to tell me that I’m Gay?”

“Yeah, Drew. And, you know, it’s nice that you can actually show up at a Gay club, before you come out, to help you come to terms with what’s being told to you.”

With that, the two exchanged cell phone numbers, screen names, and promised to talk to each other more often.

Drew went home that evening feeling much better, and less weighed down. Now that he’s had this burden lifted from his shoulders, he could face the world normally again. That's what he set out to do.

He came home, and plopped onto his bed. He took his shoes off, and reclined in his bed thinking ‘I’m Gay.’ He remembered who it was that helped him through it all, and picked up his cell phone. He called Randy, knowing that he’d be up. He called to thank him so much for helping him out, dancing with him for that one song, and being able to keep a secret. He also promised that, if he saw Randy in the halls, he’d acknowledge him.

The next day at school, Drew was back to his regular self: he was more composed, he could control himself and not have ‘strange’ daydreams, and hold his own in the building. He was walking with a few of his Football buds as he saw Randy walking in the hall. Secretly, he turned his head toward him, and gave him a wink; Randy nodded his head.

The two boys had phone conversations every night for a week before Drew asked if Randy wanted to hang out sometime. Randy told him that he’d love to, and suggested that they go out to dinner on Friday night. Drew hesitated at first, then agreed.

Friday night, Drew drove to Randy’s house and picked him up. Drew parked on the curbside, and had his windows tinted, so that no one walking by would be able to tell who it was. Drew and Randy then decided to have dinner in the next town over, only because there was less of a chance for someone to spot them. They arrived at the restaurant, and sat down at a table for two. They had dinner and laughed an awful lot. They talked about all of their life experiences, and Drew asked him about how it felt to be an ‘out’ homosexual. The evening was a success for the two: Drew made a new friend, and Randy found that Drew could possibly be his.

After dinner, Randy asked if Drew wanted to come over to his place and hang out. Drew said yes, because he knew that they’d had fun together, so a little more time together wouldn’t hurt.

They got back to Randy’s and they went up to his room. There, they started talking again, continuing all the conversations from dinner. They talked for hours on end, and became very comfortable around each other. Drew asked if it were all right for him to sleep over, because he didn’t want to go home this late. Randy said that he’d be insulted if he didn’t. Randy then asked if Drew wanted to sleep on the floor or on the bed. Drew said that because he was the guest, he’d sleep on the floor. The two debated about the situation for another ten minutes before Drew suggested that they both sleep in Randy’s bed.

“Are you sure you want to do that, Drew? I mean, I know we’re friends and all, but you still don’t know me that well.”

“It’s fine, Randy. I want to sleep with you. It would be much better to sleep next to one of your friends, than to sleep alone. Am I right?”

“Yeah, you’re right. Hop on in. You’ll always be welcome in my bed.” The two laughed as Drew climbed into bed with Randy.

Drew, in the middle of the night, in his sleep, wrapped his arms around Randy, as though he were trying to protect him from all harm.

Simultaneously, in the middle of their sleep, they both awoke, Randy in Drew’s arms. He was surprised by the gesture, but, at the same time, he was grateful. They both said a smiley, surprised ‘Hi’ to each other, quietly. Drew then started kissing Randy very passionately. Neither of the two tried to stop the other. It progressed to the point where they were having sex. In this circumstance, they both got it, and they both gave it. They both felt the passion and the aggression mutually. Randy’s passion was from finding his first boyfriend, and Drew’s aggression was from never figuring out who he really was until then, but he wasn’t aggressive with Randy at all; he kept his aggression to himself.

After they did the deed, the two lay in bed and cuddled as they slept.

As they awoke that Saturday morning, they both had something they wanted to say to one another. To their surprise, it was exactly the same thing.

“Did you want to date exclusively? And if so, did you want to be public about it?”

The two agreed to date exclusively, being each other’s first real boyfriend. Drew was going to have to tell every one he knew, all of his Football boys, his then girlfriend, all the kids at school, and possibly his parents.

Drew marched into football practice and sat down with his boys. He said aloud, “Guys, Coach, I have something to tell you… I discovered last week that I am Gay.” At first, he thought that from the silence that his boys were going to kill him, beat the bloody pulp out of him. They all said to him that they’ve all known him for far too long, and have bonded too well to drop him like an old habit. They promised that they’d be tolerant of him and his boyfriend until their lives end. Drew was relieved, and then introduced them all to Randy.

That same afternoon, the two boys walked down the hallways, hand in hand. Obviously, there were those who stared at them with their mouths agape, but everyone else was just happy to see their first real Gay couple. Drew was finally happy to be the person he had always needed to become, and Randy was finally happy to have a loving boyfriend.

In the end, we eventually get what we want. We may find it in the weirdest or most illogical places, but there it is. I guess what I’m trying to say is, don’t stop looking for the answers to your quandaries, because they’re right around the corner. Keep looking for what you want… it’s out there.

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