24 February 2009

I want somebody, just anybody, to lay their hands on my soul, tonight...

My level of anxiety is driving me up the wall... I've been an emotional wreck since The Be All and End All. I keep lying to myself, every day, that I'm past it; that I've grown and moved on.

It's most certainly not the case.
Having been single and miserable, all this time, while he's moved on and with someone he loves just as much as he had for me... it's a terrible, terrible pain. It's much too much for me, and I'm not sure I'm equipped to handle this sort of situation.

Reading the Twilight-series books isn't helping my situation much, either. Each book relates to me in such a large and frightening manner that... I feel I should stop reading them. The Aspect of the Bella/Edward Romance is what pulls at my heartstrings... so In Love that it made everyone around us aware. The passion, the selflessness, the 'I'd-Die-If-You-Left-Me,' the 'I-Cannot-Exist-Without-You...'

It's not just some simple "I love my boyfriend, he's great;" It's far, far beyond that. It's that one moment that every living-breathing being lives for... finding your one, true Love; Your Soulmate... the person with whom you were intended to spend the rest of your eternity.

We'd made the Physical, Emotional and Perpetual promises, and it had been only a matter of time for them to have come to realisation. Until then...

I hope the two are happy, together.

But, I didn't write this out for His Benefit [or Unease], and certainly not for Hers... I wrote this purely cos I had something I needed to say, and no one was around to hear me. I needed to Vent, to Cry and to Acknowledge that this was they way it was to be.

I hadn't thought about him since New Years, just after that last Enemy Blowout... but, my birthday came around and I started feeling a little Alone.

...just read the title. [a line from "Desperate," by David Archuleta]